Marriage: The Art of Grooming and Growing Together

Allow me to share a story that speaks to the heart of marriage, something that’s been on my

mind after a friend of mine confided in me. He’s a good lad, recently married, but already, just six months in, he’s fed up with his wife. He said she wasn’t what he’d dreamt of, and he’s thinking of ending it. Now, I didn’t say anything right away because such matters require wisdom, not haste. So, I went home, and this is what came to me.

You see, on the wedding day, we call the man the 'Groom'; and the woman the 'Bride'; There’s a reason for this, something we often overlook. The woman is not called 'Wife'; on that day because she’s not yet fully a wife in the true sense—she’s a bride. And why is the man called the 'Groom'? Because it’s his job to groom her, to nurture, guide, and patiently help her become the wife she’s meant to be.

It’s like tending to a coconut tree, my dear. You don’t just plant it and expect coconuts overnight. You water it, give it time, and protect it from the winds. Only then does it bear fruit. In the same way, a man must be patient with his bride, understanding that she needs time and care to grow into the wife he desires.

Many of our young men, with their heads filled with dreams, expect their wives to become their ideal overnight. They forget that marriage is like preparing a good Goan sorpotel—it needs time to marinate, to let the flavors blend. You can’t rush it, or it won’t taste right. The same goes for marriage; you can’t rush your bride into being the perfect wife. She needs your guidance, your understanding, and your patience.

Our men often have unrealistic expectations, thinking that their wives will somehow magically know what they want. But, a woman is not a mind reader. She doesn’t know your thoughts unless you share them with her, gently and lovingly. You must groom her, not with criticism or complaints, but with acceptance and love.

And remember, God brings together people who are different, who balance each other’s

weaknesses. If both of you were the same, who would help whom? If your wife is slow like a

turtle and you’re swift like a hawk, don’t expect her to fly. Instead, be patient, help her along,

and you’ll find that she’ll bring strengths you never knew you needed.

The real problem is that we often try to change our partners before we’ve truly accepted them. Your wife may come from a different background, maybe her family makes their curry differently or her feni is brewed with a different touch, but that’s all part of her charm. Don’t rush to change her; instead, embrace her differences, teach her with kindness, and give her the time she needs to adjust.

So before you think of walking away, ask yourself—have you really groomed her? Have you

given her the time and understanding she needs? So remember, marriage isn’t just about what you want; it’s about building something beautiful together, even if it takes time.

May God continue to bless our marriages, guide us with wisdom, and keep us patient in all our affairs. Amen.